Are you aware of whose emotions are driving your behaviour? If not, now is the perfect time to take a step back and assess your life in its entirety.
You may wonder why you should bother – and that would be a great question. You are probably aware that your emotions shape your decisions, that’s a no brainer but did you know they can also deeply influence your ability to communicate effectively, which impacts how others will perceive and respond to you?
Why is it a problem if we don’t know whose emotions are driving our behaviour?
When you don’t know and you’re not in tune with whose emotions are driving your behaviour, I can tell you from experience that you’re setting yourself up for a whole world of pain. You could be making all kinds of decisions that don’t honestly reflect your true morals, values, or beliefs. You may even end up letting the wrong kind of people to guide your actions .. or find yourself acting on impulse without thinking about the consequences. And guess what? That’s a darn good recipe for disaster— from financial setbacks to broken relationships.
I read a quote once that said “if you do not decide who you want to be, what you want to do, or what you believe in … then someone else will”. And that quote has served me well in that it has always been a strong guide for me.
So, it’s important to figure out whose voice (inner critic) is running the show in your mind. I can promise you, from experience, that when you finally work out whose emotions are in the driver’s seat, steering you all over the place, you will take back your life and reclaim the inherent power you were born with. You will immediately make better decisions, ones that align with who you really are, who you really want to be and what you really want to with your life … and that’s how you stay in control of your world! NEVER EVER give that power away.
The following 3 strategies, as a Life Coach Gold Coast, I use with my clients will also help you to discover whose emotions are driving your behaviour:
1. Identify your core values
Before making any decisions, no matter how big or small they are, define what matters most to you and ask yourself if the decision you are about to make is in line with who you really are, what you truly believe and what your core values are …. or not.
2. Listen to your gut
Paying attention to how you feel around certain people or situations is absolutely crucial to living your own life. How many times have you felt yourself in a RED Flag moment but ignored it … to find out later you did so at your expense. I tell my Gold Coast clients that RED Flags never turn Green! When you pay close attention to those Soul nudges, you can use the information you feel as an indicator of whose emotions are influencing you. Look at what the other person or situation has to gain. Remember saying yes to everyone or everything very often means you are saying NO to yourself.
3. Ask for feedback
Lastly, you can seek honest and constructive feedback … but only from people you trust. This will help you gain a better understanding of how your behaviour is being affected by others, or how it could be affecting them.
I can remember many times doing things like driving for hours to pick someone up from the airport, or walking their dogs etc when I didn’t really want to but I was afraid of losing the friendship if I didn’t. They knew that and used it very well to drive my behaviour.
That was until it was pointed out to me, and I realised after some deep soul searching that my fathers voice was driving my needy behaviour. That’s when I began to set better boundaries and get more honest about what I wanted. Needless to say that friendship ended – but a new relationship started – one with me honouring and being truthful to myself. A much happier and more powerful place to be.
So, by taking the time to reflect on the above points, you will be able to get to the bottom of, and gain a deeper understanding of whose emotions are driving your behaviour – when you do you can make changes, make more informed decisions and regain control of your life! It’s worth repeating here that if you do not decide what you want or who you want to be …. Someone else will.
On a final note, you will soon find out who your real friends really are when you start to make changes. The ones that need you to stay as you are because it serves a purpose for them – may well drop off when you are no longer willing to be that person. Your real friends will still love and care for you; understand where you are coming from and aim to support you while you make those changes.
Good Luck
p.s If you would like some help doing this I would love to be your Life Coach and help you on your journey. I am on the Gold Coast but operate mostly via zoom so you do not have to travel anywhere.
I have several FREE resources:
1. My Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/@ResetWithPamela
2. My book Making Broken Beautiful is available on Amazon www.amazon.com.au and is full of strategies and techniques to help you change and grow without feeling guilty.
3. And lastly you can always book a coaching session with me.
Whatever you decide, just start your journey today!
Your Life Coach and Mentor
Pamela Millican
Mindset Mastery
Life Coaching Gold Coast