Overcome the fear of abandonment with practical strategies and guidance from your life coach, available in Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, Gold Coast, and worldwide.
Abandonment issues can impact every aspect of your life—from relationships to self-worth and even your capacity to dream and go after what you really want for your life. If you’ve experienced abandonment in the past, whether that has been from a parent, partner, or friend, the emotional hurt and pain can leave you feeling lost, unwanted, unworthy, unimportant and even anxious and fearful of rejection. But the truth is you do not have to be defined by your past experiences. They are hard experiences for sure, but they are not the final word on who you are or what you’re capable of. I can share with you from personal experience that healing is absolutely possible, and that healing starts with you recognizing your worth beyond the hurt and pain. You are not bound by the actions of others or by the hurt that has shaped parts of your journey. With time, self-compassion, and the right support, you can rebuild a stronger, deeper sense of security within yourself. You can learn to cultivate healthy relationships and create the life you truly want and deserve. Your past is just that – PAST – GONE and does not have to dictate your present or your future.
In this blog I will share how you can overcome abandonment issues, crush the fears that hold you back, and step into a world where you feel more in control of your life, where you can feel strong and empowered, confident, and loved. Whether you’re based in Brisbane, the Sunshine Coast, the Gold Coast, or anywhere in the world, these strategies—combined with direct and specific life coaching—can and will, help you heal. Let’s take this journey together, move you from feeling how you may be right now toward self love and emotional freedom.
Understanding Abandonment Issues
Understanding how we find ourselves struggling with Abandonment issues is key to moving past and through them. They typically originate from either a one off traumatic event or series of smaller experiences where you felt neglected, abandoned, unwanted or rejected. These experiences could have been the result of parental neglect as a child, the loss of a loved one, or even a painful breakup. How you deal with any of those experiences and events, will over time, shape your belief system, often leaving you feeling insecure, unworthy of love, fearful of being left behind, or unable to trust others. You may even find yourself constantly waiting for something ‘bad’ to happen. I know this was something I used to do.
But here’s the truth: As I said above, your past does not have to impact your present life or dictate your future. Healing is possible, and with the right support/guidance, you can RESET your beliefs, crush your abandonment issues and reclaim your power.
The Impact of Abandonment Issues on Your Life
Fear of Rejection:
People who struggle with abandonment often have an overwhelming fear of rejection. This can manifest in so many ways, from staying in toxic relationships longer than you should to avoiding relationships altogether … mostly for fear of getting hurt or being alone. Loneliness is a biggie, and many people stay where they don’t want to be rather than be alone. They tell themselves, ‘it’s not that bad’ and often excuse, even justify the other person’s behaviour.
Low Self-Worth:
Feeling abandoned can lead to a real deep sense of unworthiness and not being lovable. You might believe you are just not “good enough” to be loved or valued by others, and this belief can be so strong that you constantly attract people or situations that (in your mind) confirm that belief … which will limit your ability to be happy and enjoy your life.
Codependency:
Abandonment issues can turn you into a chronic people pleaser (guilty as charged – I was a champion people pleaser for most of my life) and make you overly dependent on others for support and feel desperate for that external validation, all of which only leads to unhealthy, imbalanced and dysfunctional relationships.
Sabotaging Relationships:
Ironically, the behaviours you exhibit that originate from your fear of being abandoned often end up pushing people away. For example, in an attempt to protect yourself from being hurt again, you might become overly controlling, manipulative, jealous, or just emotionally distant—all such actions that can ultimately lead to the very isolation you fear. The more you allow the hurt and pain to control how you feel about yourself which impacts how you behave, the more likely you are to bring about the abandonment you’re trying to avoid.
But, there is a better way:
Crushing Abandonment Issues: A Step-by-Step Process
Healing from abandonment issues is a journey, and can be a long one requiring persistence and patience, and is one that involves reframing your mindset, learning new coping strategies, and doing the deep emotional work needed to RESET.
Here are some practical steps you can take to begin this process.
1. Identify the Root Cause of Your Abandonment Issues
Understanding where your fear of abandonment comes from is the first step to healing. Ask yourself:
- Who has abandoned me in the past, and how did that make me feel?
- How has that experience shaped the way I view myself and impacted my relationships?
- What triggers my fear of abandonment today?
- What is the impact of those triggers?
- Who would I be without my triggers?
These questions can help you uncover the root of your abandonment issues, making it easier to address them directly. Working with a Life Coach (especially one who has been through abandonment but refuses to let it control her life) Gold Coast or Brisbane-based life coach can help you dig deep into these questions in a safe and supportive environment. If you’re not local, no stress, worldwide coaching with me is now available online!
2. Reframe Negative Beliefs
Many of your fears around abandonment are rooted in negative beliefs about yourself. Common thoughts include “I’m not worthy of love”, “I’m not important to anyone”, “nobody cares” or “Everyone leaves me eventually.” These beliefs are powerful but are absolutely untrue. You are not the beliefs put on you by other people. I teach my clients that Perception is Projection—meaning that how someone sees the world often reflects their inner beliefs. For example, if you believe you’re unworthy, you may interpret other people’s actions as confirming that belief, even when it’s not true. People may treat you badly, but I want you to understand that their behaviour is a reflection of their own issues, and is not indicative, in any way, of your value. Your perception shapes your reality, but it doesn’t define who you are. You can decide to change that right now and say “I choose not to believe their garbage any longer” and with a little effort and guidance, I promise you can learn to see yourself differently.
Start by brain dumping all your negative thoughts and beliefs and then reframing them with positive affirmations. Instead of “I’m not good enough,” say, “I am deserving of love and connection.” Even if that feels like a lie at first, do it anyway and keep doing it til you believe it. After all, repetition is how you believe that you are not good enough in the first place. You have allowed someone else’s crappy behaviour to define who you are by believing in their words… Let’s change that. Just because someone cannot see the good in you, does not mean that it does not exist, it just means they cannot see it. This should tell you more about them, than it says about you. By consistently reinforcing positive beliefs instead, you will begin to break free from the negative and unhealthy mindset … that will constantly fuel your abandonment fears – if you let it.
3. Learn to Self-Soothe
One of the most empowering things you can do to crush your abandonment issues is to develop the ability to self-soothe. This means learning a foolproof strategy to comfort and reassure yourself when those feelings of insecurity or fear arise.
Techniques like EFT tapping, journaling, practising mindfulness, meditation, and breathwork are all incredibly effective in helping you manage your emotions. To help you with this, I offer specific guided meditation and hypnosis audios with solfeggio frequency music designed to help you calm your mind and reconnect with your inner strength. You can use any one of these tools whenever you feel anxious or overwhelmed by fear or insecurity.
4. Strengthen Your Relationship with Yourself
You probably already know that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. When you have a solid base with a strong sense of self-love and self-worth, any fears of abandonment begin to fade. To cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself:
Practice Self-Care:
Take the time on a regular basis to do things that nourish your body and soul, whether that’s exercise, journaling, walking along the beach or just spending time in nature.
Set Boundaries:
Super important to self care is learning to set healthy and effective boundaries. Boundaries protect your energy and ensure that you’re not sacrificing your needs for the sake of others. Teach yourself to STOP saying yes, when you really mean NO. And remember when you are saying that YES to someone else, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself.
Celebrate Your Strengths:
Regularly acknowledge your talents, accomplishments, and positive qualities no matter how small or insignificant you think they are. The more you appreciate who you are and focus on what’s great about you, the less you’ll seek or need validation from others. It’s important that you KNOW who you are; know what you stand for and know what you will or will not accept. Remember, you get what you tolerate!
5. Seek Professional Support
Overcoming abandonment issues can be challenging and many people find it too confronting, too hard, and way too painful … eventually giving up on it, but that does not have to be how it goes – you do not have to do it alone. Working with a life coach can give you everything you need to push through that, as well as provide you with personalised strategies and ongoing emotional support. An experienced Life Coach like myself in the Sunshine Coast, Brisbane, Gold Coast, or even online, can guide you step by step through the healing process, giving you effective tools to navigate your fears so you grow through the process.
Hypnosis and Meditation for Healing Abandonment
Hypnosis and meditation are some of the most powerful tools I have used personally for addressing all abandonment issues on a deeper, more subconscious level. With hypnosis, you can bypass the inner critic that keeps you stuck in a world of negativity, and can effectively release limiting beliefs (that stem from your abandonment trauma) and replace them with new, empowering beliefs about yourself and your worth.
Meditation has been proven over and over to help calm the mind, reduce anxiety, and cultivate a sense of inner peace. By practising mindfulness regularly, you’ll develop a greater sense of calm, increase your emotional resilience and eventually create better ways to handle any feelings of insecurity or rejection.
I offer specially designed hypnosis and meditation audios, backed with the beautiful healing music of solfeggio frequency, and are perfect for overcoming abandonment issues. These audios are easy to use and can be a game-changer on your healing journey.
Building Healthy, Secure Relationships
To summarise, know that crushing your abandonment issues isn’t just about healing the past—it’s about building a brighter future, one you are proud to be living and is one that is filled with fun, healthy and secure relationships. As you work through your fears, you will change how you see yourself and in doing so, you will naturally attract relationships that are more supportive, balanced, and fulfilling.
To create these kinds of connections:
Communicate Openly:
Learn to express your feelings and needs in an honest, calm and direct way without blaming. Make your statements “I” statements – as in “I feel this, or I hear that … when you…. Rather than arguing and telling the person that how you feel is their fault. This is about taking responsibility for your emotions and reactions to external stimuli. Remember emotions are a record of the past. So what you are feeling is related more to what has just been triggered, than it has to what’s happening in front of you. That person just pushed the button.
Trust Others:
Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Let go of the need to control or predict the future, and allow yourself to trust others—knowing that you’ll be okay no matter what happens. This is hard but with guidance and support it’s absolutely possible.
Let Go of Perfection:
No person or relationship is ever perfect, and that’s okay. Embrace the imperfections in yourself and others, and focus on creating a connection built on mutual respect and understanding instead.
Take Action Today: Crush Your Abandonment Issues
Lastly,know that crushing your abandonment issues is not an overnight process, but with consistent effort, the right tools, and professional guidance, you really can achieve lasting change. I know because I have done it for myself and have helped 1000s of other people change and RESET their lives. You absolutely deserve to live a life free from the fear of rejection or abandonment and you totally deserve to feel confident, worthy, and loved.
If you’re ready to begin this journey now, I invite you to explore my coaching sessions (available in the Gold Coast, Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, and worldwide). Additionally, you can use my hypnosis and meditation audios and abandonment healing worksheets to support your transformation. You can also get started with my book Making Broken Beautiful available on Amazon.
Coaching packages: https://pamelamillican.com/packages/
Hypnosis and Meditation Audios: https://bit.ly/resetwithpamelastorefront
Abandonment Healing Worksheet:
https://www.sendowl.com/s/mindset/mini-training/master-your-abundance-mindset-mini-training-by-resetwithpamela
Making Broken Beautiful: https://bit.ly/3yNMa94MakingBrokenBeautiful
Your Life Coach and Mentor
Pamela Millican
Visit https://pamelamillican.com/ to start your path toward emotional freedom.